10 January 2017

"The essence of being human is that one does not seek for perfection." George Orwell

I've always prided myself on the fact that I don't pretend my life is perfect. This blog for me has been an open and raw place for me to talk about the trials I've experienced in my life. I've openly shared that I'm no stranger to anxiety and depression. I went through a divorce and wrote all of the nitty gritty details. I think I learned fairly quickly that perfection (offline and online) is unattainable.

That simple concept was reinforced however when my sister sent me a link to this story the other day. Trying to maintain the look of perfection is not only a trivial (and superficial pursuit), but the pursuit of maintaining a perfect life on social media can be emotionally taxing and unnecessarily draining.

I've received emails from handfuls of people who once read my blog, saying that they feel like it is harder to relate to me now that "everything in my life is perfect." A lot of these people who have reached out are still smack dab in the middle of a divorce; still reeling from the whirlwind they call their life. Receiving these emails, and then reading this news story my sister sent me made me think twice about blogging. Just because I'm married to a great guy BY NO MEANS MAKES MY LIFE PERFECT. It means that an aspect of my life that once didn't make sense now does. There are a million other aspects to my life. A good marriage alone cannot make someone happy, and it certainly cannot fix all of your problems. In fact the very act of marriage alone, the act of caring and putting another human being before all of YOUR needs? Well that only brings more ish to the table.

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to begin blogging again, and honestly I didn't feel like I had anything to blog about until I realized that there really is so much more to my life than what this blog was founded on. I still worry about the future. I still have plenty of insecurities. I still have trust problems and anxiety up the wazoo, but with that comes a whole lot of happiness and a whole lot of good. Which is exactly what life is made up of.

A whole lot of ugly interspersed by some beautiful moments.

So here we go again.

Back to the blogging world.

We meet again.

01 January 2017

Easy Isn't Best

I initially considered 2016 to be the best year of my life, but when I started thinking about why it would be the best year of my life, the more I realized it really hasn't been. It's been one of the easier years of my life. And being the best and being easy are two very different things.

I then started reflecting on 2015. Then 2014, 2013, and 2012. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that ultimately, the best years of my life have been the hardest. And then I thought that makes no sense. The last thing I want to do is re-live those years, but had those years not happened 2016 wouldn't have been what it was. And the reason why the hardest years were the best years, was because I grew. I became better. I walked out of the year entirely different than I walked into it. And trials do that to us. 

Trials force change. 

When circumstances change we either choose to change along with them, or we don't.
And I chose to change.
And I'm so much better for it. 

In 2016 I learned so much. I continued my education. I realized the importance of family and I discovered how to embrace the not-so-pretty parts of me. I saw qualities within myself I wanted to improve, and I chose to take the initiative and do just that. My husband and I had an incredible second year of marriage, and both learned how to much more effectively help and communicate one with another. In fact I learned to more fully trust my husband, and I think I have finally gotten to a point where I actually believe him when he says he'll never leave me.

So much growth and progress happened, but I can't help looking back fondly on the years that so completely and entirely broke me - which in turn so perfectly and thoroughly restored me.

I am so grateful for a God that knew His children needed opposition to truly appreciate the good and the easier times in life. I couldn't be more grateful for 2016, but more than that I couldn't be more grateful for all of the years that led up to it.

Here's to hoping 2017 is a year of change, progression, and growth.

01 December 2016

Merry Christmas, from the Orgill's ;)

02 July 2016

Happy Birthday, Birthday Boy

To the sweetest birthday boy,

Happy 24th!!! I can't TELL you how happy it makes me that we've spent 3 of your birthdays together, and I can't TELL you how happy it makes me that we have infinity more to celebrate.

Jos, things haven't always been easy. We've certainly had our ups and we've certainly had our downs, but I know without a shadow of a doubt there is nobody else I could create a happier and more meaningful life with. My weaknesses complement your strengths and your weaknesses mine, and together we have so much to offer. I'm more convinced every day that your soul was literally created and shaped to fit mine, and when I reflect on Heavenly Father's perfectly designed plan for us I'm overwhelmed. I really couldn't be this grateful for the good had I not experienced the bad, and THAT is why I appreciate you and your precious spirit now more than I ever could have before.

You made the world a much brighter place 24 years ago, and I thank my lucky stars that your life is now one with mine. Now let's go celebrate!!

Love you always and forever,