14 January 2013

"When faith replaces doubt... the power of God brings to pass His purposes." -President Monson

The other night, my Dad and I were sitting on the floor, having one of our treasured talks. I was telling him about my anxiety for the future. I was explaining the uncertainty and doubt I have felt lately. An open future with endless possibilities sounds very exciting to others, I'm sure. For myself, when I once had a vision for the future that is no longer valid, the future now looks like a long never-ending tunnel, which terrifies me. My dad smiled, looked at me sweetly, and said, "Kenna, if the future was certain, why would you need faith?" I felt silly after hearing that, but it was simply what I needed to hear. 

My time in New Zealand is coming to an end. In just a few weeks I will be on a plane back to Utah, and no, I'm not a fan of Utah, yes the snow makes me cry, and no, definitely not looking forward to going back. This little place in this beautiful country has become more of a home to me than any other place I have lived. I have had the worst moments of my life here, and some of the most precious. I have grieved here, and I have grown here. I have struggled here, and I have been strengthened here. I have cried more in the last six months than I have in my 21 years of living, and those tears have not only been tears of sadness, but tears of happiness, tears of hope, and tears of love. 

Faith is walking into the dark, and trusting the Lord will be there to guide you every step of the way. Faith is placing my fears, and insecurities into the Lords hands, and trusting if I do my part He will do His. Faith is believing that what is out there is so much better than what I have here. Faith is walking away from the past, taking only with me the lessons I have learned, and walking forward with my eyes perfectly set on the future. 

I have been blessed here in countless ways; too many ways to count. I have come to understand in a very small way, the perfect, infinite love my Heavenly Father and Savior have for me. Their love is my source of hope. Their love is boundless, and knows no end. Their love is everything to me.

Countless people have been placed into my path; people that have blessed my life in more ways than they will ever know. My burden has always been there, but it has become so much lighter, because there have been so many others carrying it with me. 

So, here's to the gospel. 
Here's to all of my many blessings.
Here's to the last six months.

And here's to the future.