15 June 2013

Life Is Good

When I was younger, my sister, myself, and my father use to play a game. It's not so much a game, maybe an inside joke, I don't know. My Dad use to say, "life is good," and my sister and I would count how many times he would say it, because he said it so much. For whatever reason, we got the biggest kick out of it, (don't ask me why). I remember one particular night we were on a trip, visiting my grandparents who - at the time - were living in California. I was probably 6, and my sister was probably 8. We were snuggling with my Dad, and I remember counting the 89th time my Dad said life is good. 

I think so much of our focus, so much of the time, is not wanting the things that suck, to suck. I know my thought process is, I don't want this to hurt anymore - and honestly, at the end of the day, it's just a matter of being okay that things kind of suck. And that's not suppose to sound sad at all, it's actually suppose to sound liberating.

I don't want to feel a sting of pain when I hear about weddings, and marriage, and happy-ever-afters. I don't want to feel down about the course of events that have happened in my life; but at the end of the day there is still an annoying sting. The beautiful part is, whether or not I let the things that suck, determine whether or not my life is good. 

For whatever reason we got the notion, (myself included), that if and when things suck, it means life sucks, and I'm here to say that's just not true.

Life is beautiful because we make it beautiful. Some people might not add a lot of beauty to our lives. Some situations certainly don't make our lives look prettier. But life is good, and it is beautiful in it's own difficult, unexpected, magical ways.

I remember that night as a little girl, completely oblivious to those three words. Life is good. I have come to love those words. I have come to say those words. And I have come to believe those words.

So tonight, I'm starting at 90.
Life is good. 

09 June 2013

Sunday Will Come

I have had a funny relationship with social media lately, particularly this blog. There are times I don't want to say anything, and times I want to say way too much. This past week has been one of the harder weeks... for particular reasons. I have felt angry, and I have felt resentment. Thursday morning I went to the temple, and I was hoping the anger would kind of melt away, but it didn't. In fact being in the temple seemed to almost make me more angry. There are moments the past year comes flooding back, and a wave of emotions kind of takes over. Who knew it was possible to feel every emotion all at once! So this morning, before church, I got on my knees and asked the Lord if He would open my heart. I asked Him if He could soften my heart. I asked Him to stick close-by today, and for whatever reason, at church I heard every single thing I needed to. I met exactly who I needed to. And I couldn't stop crying, all day long. And when I have those kind of moments, I ask Heavenly Father to help me remember them, because in my dark moments, remembering special times like that help pull me through. My heart is full of love. It might not be quite as full tomorrow, or the next day. I will probably have a few more waves of uncontrolled emotions this week, but today, right now in this moment, my heart is full of love. I am grateful. We are all children of God, and we are all in this mortality thing together. The race is not against each other - it is against sin - as Elder Holland would say. Forgive and forget. Be happy and move forward. Be hopeful and have faith - because when nothing else in the world makes sense, the gospel always will.