29 September 2013

I love the Lord, because He hath heard my voice and my supplications. Because He hath inclined His ear unto me, therefore will I call upon Him as long as I live. -Psalms 116:1-2

Unfortunately, in life, people hurt us. Life hurts us. And it's a life-long journey to learn how to deal with that hurt in an appropriate way. It's hard, and it won't come easy. Forgiveness is a challenge, one I have had to consistently work on. And today, in church, a friend said something I desperately needed to hear.

We were talking about forgiveness, and I told her of a situation I was in, and in this situation I was - and am - looking to find that forgiveness somewhere in my heart. She asked what I was doing to obtain the mercy I am seeking for someone else. I told her that I constantly and seriously pray and ask for charity. I ask for charity and love not just for this situation, but in all situations, with all relationships I have in my life. I pray for love. I pray to find love in my heart. And very simply she said, "you don't need more love. You need His love."

It all made sense. In those few moments there was clarity, and there was understanding. Tears filled my eyes and this burden, this ridiculously heavy burden I have tried so foolishly to carry on my own was lifted. 

I am not perfect. I am very human. My weaknesses are very real. My difficulty finding love in a situation I'm in is not fault of my own, because I do everything I can to find that love. And foolishly, I try to take care of it myself. I try to forgive this situation on my own. 

In that moment, with my whole soul and my heart I asked the Lord for His love. It is only through His love I find enough love for others. I cannot obtain that love any other way. I know - because I have tried. I explained to Him I have done my part. I have done all I can do. I have done as much as I can. And I told my Father in heaven and my Savior, that I was leaving the rest to Them. 

We can't do it on our own. I can't do it on my own. This life-long journey isn't my journey, it is a journey the Savior has so lovingly planned for me, it is a journey my Savior has so willingly felt, and a journey He has already perfectly walked through. This isn't my journey to be walked alone. And there will be times I can't walk any further, and sometimes I forget that my Savior can carry me for a little while.

I am so grateful for the ongoing, patient and perfect love my Heavenly Father and Savior have for me. I get frustrated with myself, for not being better, for not forgiving more easily and completely, and I know with every part of me my Savior understands. He's telling me it's okay. He's telling me it's not always easy and He's telling me He will carry the load. He is enough. His love is enough. I am enough.  And what I offer is enough, only through and because of the difference my Savior has already paid. 

My heart is full. My heart is at peace. And that's enough.