31 January 2014

"The best and most beautiful things in the world... must be felt with the heart." -Helen Keller

Apathy: lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. 

You know those dark times in life? So dark it no longer looks dark? So dark it looks like nothing? You know those moments of sadness when you simply want to feel nothing at all? Then when you actually feel nothing at all... it's even worse than feeling? 

The past two weeks have been a roller-coaster. Lots of emotion, lots of thinking, and unfortunately, some very real moments of not-caring. I've worked my way out of the no-caring part, but let me tell you it's not a friendly place to be in.

I needed to make a decision. I needed to make a decision that I never should have needed to make in the first place. I needed to make a decision entirely dependent on someone else's actions, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't frustrated. 

I knew the answer to the decision that needed to be made; I knew it all along. But the natural man (girl) in me, out of pure immaturity wanted Heavenly Father to know exactly how yucky I thought this situation was, and oh boy! Did I tell Him.

How I got so blessed to have a perfect and merciful Father in heaven I don't know. How He loves me despite all my quirks and instabilities I don't know. How He reaches out to me in love constantly, always, forever, and unconditionally? I don't know. But I do know I am undeserving, and I do know I am utterly blessed.

No worries guys, my heart is back to feeling. I cried when I watched this video. My moments of apathy have passed. But only because I have a Father in heaven who reminded me I'm okay. He nudged my heart. He knocked on my soul. He showed me in His simplistic and perfect ways just how loved I am, and I cannot possibly express enough gratitude, for having such a patient and omniscient Father in heaven, Who for whatever reason, not only loves me despite my fragility, but because of it. How blessed I am.