15 March 2014

Dating After Divorce

* One of my most favorite talks 
by one of my most favorite people *

Dating after divorce is quite possibly one of the scariest things I've ever done. It absolutely boggles my mind how people dive in so quickly after such a traumatizing experience. July of this year will mark two years since my ex-husband left, and I am just barely getting back into the swing of things; and by getting back into the swing of things, I mean I'm not hyperventilating before group activities and I no longer need a priesthood blessing before every date. So, for me, getting back into the swing of things basically means not being hospitalized for making small and simple decisions. I'm a champ - I know.

It's not just that it's hard to trust men--but it's hard to trust my decisions, my feelings, and my judgment. My One Saving Grace? I trust my Heavenly Father and I trust my Savior with all of my heart. I know that if I live worthily, Their hand will guide me through these detours in my life.

Last week at the temple I had a very sweet experience. As I was wracking my brain and scaring myself to death with all of life's and love's potentially disastrous outcomes, the most precious wave of peace swept over me. Everyone feels the Spirit and receives its promptings in different ways. The Spirit communicates with me, often times, by feelings of peace. Why? Because peace is not my most constant companion, and my Father in heaven knows that when I actually feel at peace; truly and entirely feel at peace, I will most definitely recognize it. Uncluttered peace and an absence of chaos is not a normal feeling I have, and I feel it when I am in good places, when I'm doing good things, and when the path I'm on is safe and secure. I have to remind myself that I'm worthy to receive promptings - and yes, even blessings. I have to remind myself that I am smart enough--and I know much more clearly what questions to ask this time around. I have to remind myself that everyone has their free agency - and just because someone used theirs in an unexpected way, it doesn't make my free agency defective. My decisions aren't wrong from here on out because of what someone once did with their free will. Does that make sense? Fortunately, I have a Father in heaven Who, occasionally, allows me to see things clearly. Gratefully, I have a Father in heaven Who loves me too much to see me down the wrong path - again - without at least notifying me - (I hope?!) Thankfully, I have a Father in heaven Who replaces my fear with faith when I earnestly seek for it and ask for it. How do people get through this mortality nonsense without the gospel? I just don't get it.

I don't know a lot of things. I hardly know anything. But I know God knows everything. I know He knows all. And I know as I diligently seek Him, His presence will unavoidably find me. I love this gospel with all of my heart, and I love my all-knowing Father in heaven, Who has blessed me with trials that have tested my faith and patience like you wouldn't believe! And why? Because the faith I now have is pretty incredible. It is founded solely in this gospel. And it is entirely dependent on my Heavenly Father and His Son.

How amazing is that?
How amazing are They?
How beautiful is Their plan? 

Seriously though.

It simply takes my breath away.