31 May 2014
29 May 2014
“Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light; I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.” -Sarah Williams
Tonight, I spent a good, long time lying outside on the grass and looking up at the stars. I don't think I've ever experienced something so absolutely perfect. The cool breeze, the crystal clear sky, the quiet surroundings...
As I intently looked at the sky my heart was overcome with peace... the sweet peace that comes when the spirit is present, when you're living worthily of it, and the peace that comes when you know without a doubt your Heavenly Father is near.
My heart was filled to it's brim. Tears of gratitude and awe fell from my eyes, and I was absolutely overwhelmed with love in this perfect, solitary moment.
My best friend leaned over and asked why I was crying. I looked at him and smiled. The only words that I could come up with were, "I was given a second chance."
I know with every part of me, that Heavenly Father and the Savior will make everything right in the end. We will be compensated for every injustice, every heartbreak and every affliction, if endured righteously, and patiently.
Life - mortality - it's unexpected. That's what we signed up for in the pre-mortal life. We don't have control over a whole lot on earth... but we know Who does. And I have learned to trust Him, and His plan, and His omniscience that I am too inadequate to comprehend. I know His plan is perfect, whatever His plan may be. I know His will for me is correct and it is sure, and I know that He will never, ever let me fall - without picking me right back up.
How grateful I am for my Heavenly Father's Son and His atoning sacrifice. Because of my Savior and Redeemer I was given a second chance,
we each are given a second chance...
and over again.
27 May 2014
“While I knew that true beauty came from the inside, I had missed the fact that God doesn’t make mistakes. He makes us who we are – forming us in our mother’s wombs... & what we see as our imperfections He sees as His beautiful creation.” - Heather Hart
Yesterday a sweet woman came into my work. She was looking for a particular book that told the story of a recently married woman, who's husband told her shortly after getting married he was not physically attracted to her. This woman had a daughter who went through the same thing, and there are not a whole lot of stories out there that make me angrier than those.
After I imprinted a pair of scriptures she bought, I slipped this note inside of them:
With all of my heart, I believe those words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland are true. With all of my heart I believe that as women we are inherently beautiful, it is simply a part of us, it is simply because we are women of God. With all of my heart I know that physical beauty will hold absolutely zero eternal value, and we all discover that far too late. It is my constant hope and prayer that all women, (including myself) begin to see ourselves through and only through the eyes of our Heavenly Father and Savior.
"God loves you just as you are. As people who have been created by God, we are infinitely precious to Him because we are His creation. Regardless of our outward appearance, we are all made with that spiritual potential to relate directly to Him, spirit to Spirit... Your outward appearance does not change God’s acceptance of you, and it certainly does not change the way He feels about you.”
― Corallie Buchanan
― Corallie Buchanan
With all of my heart, I know that is true.
18 May 2014
The four most haunting words in the English dictionary have to be those of: I am not enough. So often in life - at least in my life - those words have been some of the most paralyzing words that have entered my mind. One of the worst things about divorce, "being left," is the fear of the truth of those words: I am not enough.
There are moments - moments I had like today - that bundle up and bring back all of the emotions and doubts that I experienced almost two years ago. It can be a plethora of different situations, a plethora of different words that are said, that can bring back the weight of that horrible feeling of: I am not enough. Today, I had one of those moments, and in that moment every emotion I have experienced in the past two years washed over me like an unexpected rainstorm.
I drove to the temple and thought about a lot of things. Those four words? Those four words: I am not enough, have to be the adversary's favorite words - or at least some of them. Those feelings, and those questions, and those doubts come directly from the devil, and there is nothing he would love more than to have us not only dwell on those words, but slowly begin to believe them.
As I looked at the picture of my Savior that I *thankfully* keep in my car, and as I glanced back up at the temple, that same unexpected rainstorm left as quickly as it came.
I am His.
I am His AND I am enough.
BECAUSE I am His, I am enough.
Mortality, will provide plenty of situations that will make us feel inadequate. Along with mortality comes people who will cause us to think those words, at least once or twice in our lives, are true. Because of what I went through - and heavens to betsy you would THINK it would be totally over by now - there are still some lingering things I continue to work through.
My Savior has felt these exact things I have felt. My Savior endured the self-doubt, the insecurity, and the uncertainty of a failed marriage. My Savior experienced it, to a degree that is incomprehensible, and what did He do afterwards? He gloriously, and unbelievably, overcame.
How blessed am I, to have a Savior and Redeemer Who perfectly knows me and my heart and my struggles, Who knows perfectly how to succor me, Who WILL perfectly comfort and guide me and support me, and who will be The Reason I overcome. With Him, the game is never over, hope is never lost, and victory will come. With Him we can start over, our spirits can be renewed, and our hearts - if turned to Him - will be made whole.
I know this gospel is true. There is not a day that goes by in my life I am not overwhelmed by the truths that I know and the love that I feel. I am humbled, and I am grateful, and I am in awe at the perfect love that is always so constantly extended towards me.
I AM ENOUGH...
There will be days I don't believe it, there will be days I am unsure. Circumstance might cause me to waver for a second or two momentarily, BUT I know my Heavenly Father and Savior will come to me in those moments, and make everything right. I know Their reassurance is always a prayer away.
I am enough.
Because I am Theirs, I am enough.
Circumstance may change,
but that truth never does.
03 May 2014
I came across a beautifully written sentiment the other day, and my heart connected with these words that I read:
"There are way too many blogs and websites around that skim the surface of life... I believe the internet is an obfuscated lens which we hope to be seen through. It’s the staged version of us that we tragically spend most of our time creating."
This blogger hit the nail on the head.
The internet and social media can be very deceiving, which is why I have tried to be uncomfortably open, and terribly honest when I write. I have tried to be vulnerable and real with the things that I feel, because I truly believe that is the only way humans can learn from one another. It is the most tender, sensitive parts of our heart that reach other hearts. It is from the hard and ugly in life, which develop our understanding and compassion. If only we saw each other and our circumstances in a more Christ-like way.
How wonderful would it be to talk, only to be understood?
How wonderful would it be if compassion was always followed by honesty?
How wonderful would it be if love was given rather than our judgement?
I am not saying we should all make an effort to air out our dirty laundry, but perhaps we shouldn't care so much how our lives, feelings, and thoughts are portrayed and perceived by others.
The point I'm trying to make is this: be who you are. Own your life, and your story, and your experiences... They have created you, and you are insanely amazing. Your life, exactly how it is, is your personal legacy to the world, and I promise you, that your heart, and your spirit, perfectly unaltered and flawed and untouched, is exactly what the world needs.