18 May 2014

I Am Enough.


The four most haunting words in the English dictionary have to be those of: I am not enough. So often in life - at least in my life - those words have been some of the most paralyzing words that have entered my mind. One of the worst things about divorce, "being left," is the fear of the truth of those words: I am not enough.

There are moments - moments I had like today - that bundle up and bring back all of the emotions and doubts that I experienced almost two years ago. It can be a plethora of different situations, a plethora of different words that are said, that can bring back the weight of that horrible feeling of: I am not enough. Today, I had one of those moments, and in that moment every emotion I have experienced in the past two years washed over me like an unexpected rainstorm. 

I drove to the temple and thought about a lot of things. Those four words? Those four words: I am not enough, have to be the adversary's favorite words - or at least some of them. Those feelings, and those questions, and those doubts come directly from the devil, and there is nothing he would love more than to have us not only dwell on those words, but slowly begin to believe them.

As I looked at the picture of my Savior that I *thankfully* keep in my car, and as I glanced back up at the temple, that same unexpected rainstorm left as quickly as it came. 

I am His.

I am His AND I am enough.

BECAUSE I am His, I am enough.

Mortality, will provide plenty of situations that will make us feel inadequate. Along with mortality comes people who will cause us to think those words, at least once or twice in our lives, are true. Because of what I went through - and heavens to betsy you would THINK it would be totally over by now - there are still some lingering things I continue to work through. 

My Savior has felt these exact things I have felt. My Savior endured the self-doubt, the insecurity, and the uncertainty of a failed marriage. My Savior experienced it, to a degree that is incomprehensible, and what did He do afterwards? He gloriously, and unbelievably, overcame. 

How blessed am I, to have a Savior and Redeemer Who perfectly knows me and my heart and my struggles, Who knows perfectly how to succor me, Who WILL perfectly comfort and guide me and support me, and who will be The Reason I overcome. With Him, the game is never over, hope is never lost, and victory will come. With Him we can start over, our spirits can be renewed, and our hearts - if turned to Him - will be made whole. 

I know this gospel is true. There is not a day that goes by in my life I am not overwhelmed by the truths that I know and the love that I feel. I am humbled, and I am grateful, and I am in awe at the perfect love that is always so constantly extended towards me. 

I AM ENOUGH...

There will be days I don't believe it, there will be days I am unsure. Circumstance might cause me to waver for a second or two momentarily, BUT I know my Heavenly Father and Savior will come to me in those moments, and make everything right. I know Their reassurance is always a prayer away.

I am enough.

Because I am Theirs, I am enough.

Circumstance may change, 
but that truth never does.